Wednesday, December 10, 2008

There's a Dictator Up in Here!

My child has a temper. A temper that would likely make Kim Jong-il look like a pacifist at times. I know that is likely a stretch, but she could definitely give the man a run for his money. I’m used to her outbursts and I usually chalk them up to the terrible two’s and the soon to be running sequel, tyrannical three’s.

She has had a temper for as long as I can remember and I can clearly see, in my mind, her first indignant outburst of fury when she was about 5 weeks old. She scrunched up her little face and let out a scream of disdain for the bottle that I was trying to place in her mouth. It was quite obvious that she was irritated by my actions and it surprised me that she could show such an emotion that young. It should have been a warning.

I don’t like to spank my child. I have on occasions and I am sure someone will stumble across this entry and tell me how horrible I am and that I should be reported to DSS immediately, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? Sometimes, it just happens. I feel worse about it than she does and I usually end up the one in the corner crying. But I am at a loss as to how to deal with her tantrums and her temper.

After last night, I think I am in for a bumpy road and need to find a way to divert her pending meltdowns into something positive instead of destructive. I refused a request for something last night and she promptly walked over to her Dora kitchen, picked up her toy toaster and threw it across the living room. Needless to say, I was not a happy mommy, but what she did afterward completely floored me. She waltzed her little butt up to me, looked me dead in the eye with hand on hip and said “How do you like that?”

Excuse me? I blinked rapidly and told her to immediately plant her little butt on the couch for a time out, only to get the normal response to the dreaded “time-out”, which was to have a complete nuclear meltdown. Putting my child in time-out is one of the most difficult tasks I have had to deal with because she absolutely refuses to stay in time-out.

I look at the kids on Nanny 911 and think to myself … “self, you would be locked up if you had children like that because you would just lose your mind and kill them all dead.” And then she does stuff like she did last night and I think … “hmmm, I’m seeing Nanny 911 in my future.”

Anyone have any diversion tactics that have been tested on the most obstinate of children? A constructive way to take a toddler from Mugabe to Pollyanna in about ten seconds? A padded room for me to come live in to escape my child before she is full blown ready to conquer the world?


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