Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Remembering a Friend

I think I have finally managed to pull myself up from under the piles of paperwork on my desk, the piles of laundry at home and out of the craziness of the last two weeks. I'm feeling like a slacker with updating the journal, but I have been SO busy!

Saturday was Sage's Grandpa's 65th birthday party and everyone was all up in her grill. She wasn't too thrilled about it at times and made sure that people knew that. Her Uncle Scott kept giving her a ring and taking it back every time she tried to put it in her mouth. I warned him that such behavior was going to get him blood curdling screams from hell and then banishment from her presence if he kept his shanigans up.

He didn't listen. Pissed the child off like you wouldn't believe! I had to take her to calm her down and he kept coming over our way, trying to make up with her. Well, that doesn't work with my dear little one. She holds a grudge. Once you piss her off and make her cry, she will cry every time she looks at you or you talk to her. So, he would walk over in his gigantuous, yetti gait and try to talk to her ... she'd scream bloody murder ... he'd walk away. He tried three or four times and gave up. By then, she was expecting him to come over and kept looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't coming. And if she saw him, she'd cry anyway!

Then her Daddy's friend Bill thought it would be cute to give her a taste of the lime he was putting in his Corona. Well, she's a big girlie now and doesn't like anyone to put anything in her mouth if she can do it herself. So he gave her the whole lime wedge. She bit it. And she had a complete meltdown, as if the world was coming to an end and horror of horrors, it was going to end with a sour taste in her mouth while a big goon was holding onto her and laughing. And he was banished from her sight as well!

Notice that it's men who just don't listen, that piss her off? Ah well ... it's preparing her for a lifetime of dealing with the "Y" chromosome afflicted portion of the human race. It's like I used to tell Jay every time he did something stupid or just completely Jay ... "must be that damn Y chromosome." I miss him. He's been gone almost two years now. Sage will get to know him through pictures and stories, but I so wish he was here to be a part of her life.

That was Jay. Always smiling. Usually because he was up to something that was likely to get him yelled out by whoever was in the vicinity, but he was still smiling! I still remember the first day I met him. It was on the 4th of July at Baker Park and I stood there wondering who the obnoxious, loud-mouthed idiot was that kept stomping around. And I was a little jealous. He had the most amazing hair that any woman would pay unimaginable costs to have. And he had it for free. But mostly, he was just loud. Loud and obnoxious. And so totally pissed off. What the hell? When we were finally introduced and I realized that he was so mad because he couldn't find his diamond earring, I nonchalantly reached up into his hair and said "is this it?"

That got me a flash of his gorgeous smile and one of the best hugs I had ever had. From that point on, we were well on our way to becoming the best of friends. Yes, Jay was rough around the edges and many people didn't know how to take him. Yes, he cursed like the sailor he used to be and didn't care who he was around when he did so. He usually had no manners and thought it quite funny to break wind whenever and where ever he wanted. He was my biatch! He loved that ... and he hated it. No matter how bad my day was, he made me laugh. Through four years of chemo and the one battle that he couldn't win, he still brought a smile to my face. The man infuriated me at times and was the only person I know, to this day, who could get me to argue with him at the drop of a hat. Jay was my rock. And it hasn't been the same since he left this world. Jay was the absolute, most loyal person I have ever known. He would have done anything for me, as I would have for him. He was more than a friend, more than a brother ... I could never really find a way to explain our friendship.

I plan on making a trek to the Maryland Renassaince Festival in the next few weeks. It will be a bittersweet moment as the two year anniversary of his passing will have passed. And, well, I haven't been to the Faire without Jay in five years. I have avoided it the last two years without even realizing that I was doing so because I didn't want to go without him. I kept coming up with excuses not to go. This year, I want to go for Sage ... I want to see her face light up when she sees something new that may excite her. Like Jay's face use to light up the minute he got into the car to leave for the Faire. And I want to go to remember Jay and our fun times together. I'll drink a hard cider for him. I'll watch the Rogues perform. I'll watch that Johnny guy he liked so much and I always hated. Because he does that "Jackass" sort of humor that I find extremely STUPID, which Jay found extremely hilarious.

Memories are a good thing to have. They help ease the loss of a loved one. But they also hurt. They leave you wondering why. And that will always be the question that won't be answered. No one can ever convince me that Jay had to leave us the way he did. There was no lesson to learn in watching him waste away from cancer. There was no lesson in watching him try to be strong or run away when he wasn't being so strong. So, I will always be asking why he's gone.


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