Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Breaking Up is Sooooooo Hard to Do

When I met you, it was love at first sight. I loved you from afar for a few months and one day decided to find out a little more about you. What I learned only cemented my love for you and I soon found myself sending you little notes. Soon after, you were sending me notes on my cell as well. I gave you your own little ring tone and the sound of that chime made me snap to attention. You tease me with your witty nonsense and make me wish I was at MacWorld too. The little snippets into your life fill a yearning I have.

Like all things that seem too good to be true, I soon came to see your faults. You see, I’m a co-sleeping attachment mama to a three year old. I’ll be hitting the big 4-0 this year and I need my rest. You are younger. You have no commitments. I’m East coast and you are bi-coastal. I thought I could hang with you, but you are wearing me down. You chime at all hours of the night and I’m starting to not like you so much. I never said you could wake me 5,683,092 times a night. That was not part of the bargain. I thought you would have a little more respect for my needs.

Furthermore, Dink thinks that things like “Archer so cheats at Candy Land. No fair.” are really secret code for some midnight rendezvous in a parallel universe. Well, I say parallel universe, he seems to think that I somehow have about 32 hours in a day, instead of the normal 24 hours, so that I can find time to sneak off and be with you. He’s jealous that I don’t always answer his calls and come running to you at the slightest of chimes. “Someone totally bit my shit” has become slang for a clandestine blow job in his demented imagination and frankly, I don’t need the hassle.

So, my love … my dear Twitter SMS, I’m breaking it off with you. I will continue to love you from afar and will probably never realize the full potential of our relationship. You are just too high maintenance for this busy mommy. I will miss you dearly, but I must retire your seductive little chime. I hope you understand and will not hold this against me.

Can we still be friends?