Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Sleepy ... So Sleepy

That's my new mantra. I learned it from the FURBY. The last two nights have been HELL! Sunday night, Sage did not sleep well at all. She basically tossed, turned, screeched and howled ALL night. I laid on the couch, trying to soothe her and probably slept ten whole minutes. Last night, not much better. She finally fell asleep at 10:15 and woke at 2:20 a.m. I rocker her, I walked with her, I laid down with her, I walked some more, I changed her, I fed her ... I did everything except for spin on my head like a dradle! I even gave her some infant tylenol in case there is another blasted tooth trying to push it's way through her gums! She finally fell back asleep at 3:30 a.m. And was up screaming like a banshee at 4:20 a.m. And I didn't go back to sleep.

I love my girl more than anything. I gladly handed her over to the babysitter this morning and cried as I walked out the door. Only I wasn't crying because I was leaving her yet again, and taking the chance on missing another first. I was crying because I felt guilty that I was relieved to not be holding onto her and trying to soothe her when NOTHING was working. I think this is the first time that I have been SO tired that I wanted someone else to take care of her. I HATE THAT. LOATHE IT. I feel like I have let her down and deserve to have someone flog me in the middle of the town square for being a failure.

I'm not sure how many more nights of no sleep I can take. Today is Dink's birthday. I have already told him that when she goes to sleep tonight, so will I and if he even thinks (even quietly in his noggin) about waking me up, AT ALL, for ANY reason ... I will kill him dead. And for good measure, to make sure that he knew just how much I had meant the threat, I might even resusciate him and kill him dead again.

My angel. She is the sun, the moon and the stars. She is my everything. She is going to be the death of me. Death by sleep deprivation. Or death by doing something stupid while under the effect of sleep deprivation. What I wouldn't give to be able to take one of her mid-afternoon naps right about now!

If you look VERY closely in the left picture, you can see her top tooth just behind her lip. And if you look just as closely on the bottom right (her left) you can see where tooth number four finally broke through the gums. OR you can click on the picture, and when it comes up, click on it again to get the full effect of her wide open mouth and see the tooth very clearly in the photos original size.


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